Ascension Spiritual Blog

Well it has finally come to an end, I would love to keep talking and reminiscing about India, but I guess its time to move on. One more tip, every time you walk into a temple and there's a festival or significant ceremony going on they will ask you to pay money for a blessing. The first thing they'll ask you is how many brothers, sisters, children you have if your married, if your parents are still alive? and so on and so on. For every person you mention you'll have to pay a fee, if your Hindu that's fair enough if your not it can be quite expensive. Again if you feel to pay this go right ahead, if not try and get out of it(maybe run, or tell a white lie and say your an orphan, lol).

So what is it like being back in Australia? um, for me not very good. I met a lady last weekend out of the blue at some markets(we had met in Pushka, in November) we had a bit of a chat and I noted one big thing out of our conversation, she said that she'd cried when she was at the airport leaving to go home. Well I didn't cry but I certainly had alot of sadness come up when I was going. I've written to friends since being back and I assured them it wasn't the travel bug that I was feeling and how I longed to go back. It's funny you know most of the people that I've keeped in contact with, have said the same thing, I know one of my good friends will be back there by October, he wrote me in an email a couple of weeks ago, saying how much he missed India.

I've realized that India and it's people had touched my heart deeper then I could ever have imagined, even though sometimes it was as frustrating as hell. Even though sometimes it was pushing my buttons left, right and centre, I love the place and I can certainly see now why so many people go back year after year. Other friends that I have spoken to feel the same way, there's something about this mystical place that gets inside you and think never leaves you. Your whole being feels alive on all levels and once you get back to this western world it's just not the same.

I've heard people say once they've been to a third world country, that it makes you appreciate how well we've got it back in our western society. Well at the moment and its something I've been looking at I don't feel that at all. I don't know why, I knew it was there before, but it's right in my face now and that is what a cold, separated society Australia has become, and probably the rest of the western world,(or has it always been like this?, I don't think so).

I'm trying not to generalize here, I know its not everyone, it just feels as though since I've been back there's even a deeper fear of the future, that there's even more separation, that there's no soul, no identity left of Australia, everyone is out for themselves. People have being caught up in consumerism like I've never seen before, or is it for the west to go so far down the road of materialism, that finally as a whole we will finally workout that the path we are on is not the fulfilling path we think it is. I know some of you think well that's just your experience, well maybe it is, but for some reason this country doesn't feel like home anymore, this way of life doesn't appeal to me anymore.

I have come back with a plan and from the moment I touched down I haven't felt like being here. A friend said to me 'some of us do better in other countries' well maybe she's right. Since being back nothing has unfolded the way I thought it would, every turn or path I take, has had the doors closed. Why? is it because I'm trying to push things a certain way that I want to go?probably, has the universe got other plans for me that just haven't unfolded yet? probably, is it all just another test, my biggest test, to allow it all just to unfold as it should be and not get caught up in it, overwhelmed by it, when I'm in the western world?probably.

I'm asking lots of questions of myself, why have I fallen into such despair, when I know it's all going to pass and change as it always will and does. I'm realizing there's a huge difference about knowing something and actually really embodying something. I let go of the Cliff a year and a half ago, I just went with my guidance and was certainly in a peaceful place, so why would I choose to go through all the suffering again? because I probably didn't fully embody it the first time as I thought I did. I've been questioning everything I thought I knew and even every belief I've had, which is probably all a good thing, is the final real letting go, the final understanding of who I really am?

My inner child is jumping up and down because he hasn't got what he wants, I've played victim and fell for every illusion in the past few weeks. Funny how I look back on things I had written about over the past year and things I've said over the past ten years, and now that push comes to shove I have fallen for it again myself. Oh life is such a wonderful thing, as I've said it before just when you think you've got it, you fall back into it again.

So the question is what do I really want from this life, what brings me the most happiness and joy to my heart? Well I worked that one out years ago, helping people, so how am I going to achieve that? My dream, is to open up a couple of orphanages, one in Nepal and one in India somewhere. It also occurred to me that I would love to open up an organic shop and sell food at the proper price not the inflated prices they have at the moment, most people just cant afford buying organic produce because of the the greed that plagues the western world and I believe that it's every bodies right to eat chemical free food, especially our children. Last of all I would love to set up a small healing retreat, that everyone can come, even if you cant afford to have a healing, things can be worked out so there's a fair exchange of energy.

I know one thing for sure and that is I will go back to India and see some of the places I didn't get to see, like Varanasi, Sikkim area, Bihar, Ladakh and Kashmir and this time I'll go to more ashrams and spend most of the time experiencing the deeper spiritual side of India. Where did I like the most in India? for me I liked just about all of India, but there were some special places, Udaipur, Pushka, Mcleod Ganj, Hampi, all of the state of Kerala, the Ellora caves, Diu Island and I even liked Delhi. I could go back and live in Varkarla for a while, who knows what will happen.

Here's maybe the last of the photos of India, each time I look at them it brings a smile to my face and joy to my heart. I was blessed to meet so many wonderful people from all around the globe, from all walks of life, I thank them all.